minalisms

I am too angry with my scarf-n-barf cats today — landmines on carpet two days in a row! — so I will just leave you with a couple gems that helped me, for a minute, maybe two, forget about revolting hairballs:

Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet or purse were once in a stripper’s butt crack?”
— Cousin No. 1219

I’m makin’ it rain on these hoes! And by “makin’ it rain,” I mean “spilling my coffee.” And by “these hoes,” I mean “my sweater.”
— Rayke, from Twitter