Posts Tagged ‘jokes’

    Friday Funnies – 5

    Friday, November 20th, 2009

    Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par-3 and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green.

    Jesus is up next.

    He slices it. The ball heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. It then bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lily pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth just before an eagle swoops down and grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole.

    Exasperated, Saint Peter looks at Jesus and asks, “Are you gonna play golf? Or are you just gonna fuck around?”

    Friday Funnies – 4

    Friday, November 13th, 2009

    Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants each of them one wish.

    The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.

    The second guy wishes the same.

    The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

    Friday Funnies – 3

    Friday, November 6th, 2009

    A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

    The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of an ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

    The boy licks his cone and replies, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game will be over!”

    Friday Funnies – 2

    Friday, October 30th, 2009

    I’ve changed the name of the Friday series because the first moniker was lame and caused me a great deal of annoyance when others inflected improperly when reading the title.

    So anyway…

    Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from job burnout:

    3. You’re so tired; you now answer the phone, “Hell.”

    2. You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care.

    1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.

    Friday Funnies – 1

    Friday, October 23rd, 2009

    I’m so proud of myself for blogging regularly for the past two weeks that of course I hit a wall today. I’ve been reading news stories, eavesdropping on conversations and recalling what I did yesterday hoping that something would be worth addressing.

    Then I was e-mailed a joke from a co-worker — my boss nonetheless — that gave me a great idea: Yeah, Weekend!, a joke-of-the-week that primes you for Saturday and Sunday.

    Behold, the first edition:

    I was in the pub yesterday when I realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my drink and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

    Yeah, weekend!

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