minalisms

It could’ve been the attention paid by national media outlets such as CNN and USA Today. Or, I prefer to think, it could’ve been my heated e-mail to Pepsi Co. that moved the company to get its head out of its ass. But the bottom line is that the “AMP Up Before You Score” iPhone app has been pulled.

I received the following message from Pepsi just before the weekend:

Thank you for contacting us with your thoughts about our recent AMP iPhone application.

I can share with you that we have discontinued the app. After listening to a variety of audiences, including our consumers, we decided that this was the most appropriate thing to do.

Thanks again for writing. Please know that we appreciate hearing your opinion.

Sincerely,

Consumer Relations

Good job, Pepsi; now you’re thinking with the right head.

Oh, Pepsi Co., do you employ Neanderthals? Because based on your new iPhone app, “AMP UP Before You Score,” I’m positive that you have minimal knowledge on business, image and taste.

Firstly, I get it — I get that your “energy drink” is primarily marketed to teens through 30-something boys, because god knows they need help mustering up energy. But even more so, AMP Energy exists to give Cool Guy his cool, Skater Dude his tricks and Mr. Pussy more vaginas than even a harem in heaven can offer. Seriously, I GET IT.

But why, in this latest marketing maneuver, are you being such a jerk?

I don’t care how many woman-haters in your boardroom grunted with approval over the idea of “AMP UP Before You Score” — a mobile software application that encourages zeroes to feel like heroes by publicizing their sexual conquests via Twitter, Facebook and e-mail — but, silly Pepsi, you just shot yourself in the stanky leg.

And after all the flak that’s surfaced because of your indecency — by way of women and men — you said:

“Our app tried 2 show the humorous lengths guys go 2 pick up women. We apologize if it’s in bad taste & appreciate your feedback. #pepsifail.”

Thank you, Pepsi, for showing the country that you have as much taste as the douchebags who will use your app and contract a venereal disease that will burn like hell.