minalisms

How do we forgive someone who hurts us? And when? How could we get past pain that has been snowballing for weeks, months, years … even decades? And how should we cope when it’s too late to tell the other that we want to bury the hatchet with him?

I received news earlier today that my uncle — my mom’s brother — died this afternoon.

I hadn’t spoken to him for a year or so. We were never that close, and that was mainly due to circumstance: He was in India throughout the time I was growing up. 

But my mom also felt as though she lacked a closeness to her own brother. And it bothered her. It bothered her because people and circumstances seemingly wedged themselves between the two siblings years and years ago. As a result, personalities evolved, conflicts arose and feelings were deeply hurt. So the once-cherished relationship between a brother and sister eroded — and neither party was ever ready to make amends. Now he’s gone, and there are so many words between he and my mom that are left unspoken.

So today, and for days to come, my mom has to deal with a broken heart rooted in grief as well as regret. And I have a feeling that the regret will be the hardest to overcome.

Tags: amends, conflict, death, family, fights, forgiveness, hurt, regret, resolution, siblings