minalisms

Yesterday I went to my tailor to be measured for my wedding sari/dress.

Let’s just say that I’m far from the Western ideal of 36-24-36, a shape that has been referenced in pop culture by the Commodores, Sir Mix-A-Lot and the Violent Femmes.

Come to think of it, I don’t recall a time, even during my fittest teenage years, where that “ideal” string of numbers described my physique — and I was cute at 19!

Andrea Lynn, who was an editor for the News Bureau at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, says 36-24-36 is a disproportionate figure, akin to Barbie. The measurement casts aside the fact that the average woman is shaped more like a pear, not an hourglass. Plus, 36-24-36 would mean that a woman has a size 10 bust, a size 2 waist and size 4 hips.

Which begs the question: Is that “ideal” attainable without surgical enhancements?

So, despite the big-bigger-biggest measurements for my sari, I’m gonna strut it on my wedding day.

You could probably imagine what living with four cats can do to one’s lifestyle. In our 700-square-foot apartment, Ben and I cannot escape the fur.

We have clothes lined with cat hair, floors littered with cat hair, furniture layered with cat hair, and, most unfortunate of all, water glasses occasionally spiked with cat hair.

I have resisted taking an electric razor to our cats on countless instances, wondering when I will have the gumption to follow through.

I keep telling myself that having a house at least double the size of this place, and with a basement, will alleviate the cat-hair predicament that we’ve been in for the past two years. My solution: The cats will reside in the basement. 

But there is a reason we have four cats — it’s because we adore the silly little creatures. And I know all my threats of “Basement Living” when exasperated with Lewis, Gizmo, Sidney and Bumshiqua are as empty as a fat man’s stomach.

    

One of my fears in life is having my brain turn to mush as I age. That’s why, at 29, I’m loading up on an arsenal of Sudoku, crossword puzzles and Mensa quizzes. I strive to be among the sharpest 90-year-olds in the world.

But I’m also going to be a broke 90-year-old due to my fascination toward hours-long infomercials for products that are useless yet embarrassingly tempting (e.g. the Flexi-Fit Lid, the H2O Mop, the Lighted Party Fountain and the Bacon Wave).

So it turns out that I will be sharp, just not wise.

The Olympic games have gotten me amped. Watching someone sprint 100 meters between nine and 10 seconds makes me want to emulate the achievement — of both physicality and will.

I wonder: If this country swapped out inane TV shows like Extra, Maury and The Hills with programming related to sports competitions like swimming, track and volleyball maybe we’d strive for healthy rewards rather than material ones.

Only 17 days of inspiration every four years is just not enough.

Main Entry: flu·id
Pronunciation: flü-əd
Function: adjective
Definition: subject to change or movement

If there are any plans that shouldn’t be fluid, they are wedding plans.

Guests aside, I myself am having trouble nailing down the details of how I’ll marry. But I have no doubt about who I’ll marry — that’s the simplest, loveliest, most anticipated part.